Friday, February 29, 2008

Wimp

I don't think there will be dental visit in my future that doesn't include some sort of real and immediate pain, or promise of pain. Amber, my sweet, my darling, my love... can walk in the Dentist smiling and walk out yawing and stretching. (I wonder now if that was some sort of sneaky ploy to get me to go in.) I, me, myself and moi... not the case. Not even close. I walk in, sit down happy as a goofy pup, and it is like the Hygienists and Dentist throw some sort of black magic steel party in my teeth. For instance, my routine cleaning has now been scheduled for a full-on deep cleaning on Tuesday. SUCK. I had that already, not two years ago. What the crap?

I suppose God decided that I should be created with teeth that are prone to gengevitibactorialsomethinsomething in exchange for being outlandishly handsome. Ho hum.

It doesn't help that I have the nervous system of a monkey on crack. When it comes to certain things I have about a ZERO on the pain tolerance/wuss scale. I swear to Buddha that a few weeks ago, when my wife pulled a hair out of my cheek- WITHOUT WARNING OR ASKING- I thought I was going to instantaneously cry.

We were just lounging on the couch after a hard days work, watching the Late Show...

Amber: "Heeeey, you've got a stray hair on your right cheek."

Me: (Tired and barely paying attention.) "Oh, that's niIIIIIIOOOOOOWWWWWE GOD!!!! AMMMBERRRR???"

Amber: (Studying the liberated hair between her thumb and forefinger and unmoved by my pain.) "Oh, you big wimp. Its just a hair."

Me: "Being a wimp is entirely not the point!" I say, rubbing my cheek and trying to conceal the tear that is bulging in my right eye above the empty and bloody follicle.

Amber: Looks at the camera filming us and chuckles.

Me: "And that really hurt Amber, and its still HURTING."

So off to the dadgum friggin everloving God-bless-him dentist I go this Monday.

Truth be told, I am extremely grateful for my Dentist Rodney Rayburn. When my wisdom teeth started to abscess a few months ago, I called from NYC and Rodney IMMEDIATELY called in a prescription, from Houston to NYC, and even found the Pharmacy less than a block away. The man rocks. Having genetically cavemen teeth on the otherwho... sucks.

12 comments:

FancyPants said...

Ahem...actually....your loving wife a.k.a. secretary, found the pharmacy "less than a block away" and your dentist appointment is MONDAY! MONDAY. Monday Monday Monday.

anothermonkeyoncrack said...

Tee hee. Charlie bit me...and it really hurt Charlie, and its still hurting!!

Jeff McQ said...

1. I haven't been to the dentist in...well, I just can't count that high, that's all. But I will probably be going next week. I took out a dental plan because my wife and I both are experiencing some tooth discomfort. Dang.
2. My wife has had her eye on some wild hairs in the area of my eyebrows. I just about walk around with my hand over my eyes in case she tries to ambush me.

You didn't ask to know these things, but...well, you told us about *your* stuff.... :) At least you know there's more than one wimp walking around.

Seth Ward said...

Yes, I know the ambush all too well. She usually gets me when I'm tired or half asleep.

Chaotic Hammer said...

I've heard (and my wife often reminds me, for whatever reason) that women have a much higher threshold for pain that men. I think it has something to do with the ability to bear children, which I guess it stands to reason, requires a higher pain threshold.

I have also been the victim of a random and unexpected facial hair rapid-extraction by my wife (I think it was a wild eyebrow hair). Once. And once only. There is now a well-established permanent understanding that such things will not happen or even be spoken of amongst us, ever again.

majorsteve said...

A few months ago I had some surgery in one quadrant of my lower molars. The periodontist was a little Russian gal about 100 lbs soaking wet. The procedure involved surgical peeling back of the gums, filing down of the molar roots and the bone into which they are embedded, installation of some bone graft powder and then suturing up the gums. Let me tell you something; that HURTS! I never could figure out why that little Russian chick kept asking me "is it safe? Is it safe?".

Kelly said...

Seth, it's almost Monday!!!!! We all know you can't wait. Great post as always, by the way, and I enjoyed the "Yoga" post! :-)

Joanna Martens said...

I just need to say this, just so you know...

i do thoroughly enjoy each picture you post on your blog, they would not be complete entries without your chosen pictures, and I want you to know, they complete my life.

Anonymous said...

Today is Monday...MUAhaAHahahahahAHAH.

Seth Ward said...

Majorsteve, good lord. That sounds like a party. And like my old piano teacher Krassimira.

Joanna, thanks! I do take great care in stealing these photos. Most times I take longer to to find the picture than I do writing the blog.

Susanne said...

Majorsteve, when I had a summer job in a dental office back in high school, the dentist asked me to assist him in the very procedure you described. His regular assistant had been on a trip, and her flight was delayed. I'm not usually squeamish, but I have to tell you that I almost fainted. That's never happened to me before or since. Thank goodness the assistant walked in and saved me!

Seth, we so enjoyed having you guys sing/play in church last week. When you got to the last verse of "Give Me Jesus," I couldn't help but cry. I lost both of my grandmothers at the end of last year, and I think of them when you sing about hearing "the sweetest sound I've ever heard." I miss them, but it makes me so happy to think of them being in Heaven and hearing that sound. Thanks for writing such moving music, and thanks for using the wonderful gifts that God has given you guys. We miss you!

This Southern Belle said...

I don't understand Dentists or why the choose that profession. I guess someone has to, and I am thankful that someone is there to take care of my (and your) teeth. BTW, I think this was divine retribution for your jello blog.

I'm just sayin. . .