I don't think there will be dental visit in my future that doesn't include some sort of real and immediate pain, or promise of pain. Amber, my sweet, my darling, my love... can walk in the Dentist smiling and walk out yawing and stretching. (I wonder now if that was some sort of sneaky ploy to get me to go in.) I, me, myself and moi... not the case. Not even close. I walk in, sit down happy as a goofy pup, and it is like the Hygienists and Dentist throw some sort of black magic steel party in my teeth. For instance, my routine cleaning has now been scheduled for a full-on deep cleaning on Tuesday. SUCK. I had that already, not two years ago. What the crap?
I suppose God decided that I should be created with teeth that are prone to gengevitibactorialsomethinsomething in exchange for being outlandishly handsome. Ho hum.
It doesn't help that I have the nervous system of a monkey on crack. When it comes to certain things I have about a ZERO on the pain tolerance/wuss scale. I swear to Buddha that a few weeks ago, when my wife pulled a hair out of my cheek- WITHOUT WARNING OR ASKING- I thought I was going to instantaneously cry.
We were just lounging on the couch after a hard days work, watching the Late Show...
Amber: "Heeeey, you've got a stray hair on your right cheek."
Me: (Tired and barely paying attention.) "Oh, that's niIIIIIIOOOOOOWWWWWE GOD!!!! AMMMBERRRR???"
Amber: (Studying the liberated hair between her thumb and forefinger and unmoved by my pain.) "Oh, you big wimp. Its just a hair."
Me: "Being a wimp is entirely not the point!" I say, rubbing my cheek and trying to conceal the tear that is bulging in my right eye above the empty and bloody follicle.
Amber: Looks at the camera filming us and chuckles.
Me: "And that really hurt Amber, and its still HURTING."
So off to the dadgum friggin everloving God-bless-him dentist I go this Monday.
Truth be told, I am extremely grateful for my Dentist Rodney Rayburn. When my wisdom teeth started to abscess a few months ago, I called from NYC and Rodney IMMEDIATELY called in a prescription, from Houston to NYC, and even found the Pharmacy less than a block away. The man rocks. Having genetically cavemen teeth on the otherwho... sucks.