Saturday, February 02, 2008

Here Kitty Kitty.

I don't know what it is with me and cats. They love me, yet I love them not. I spent the better part of my younger years discovering ways to aggrevate them. What else is there to do in the Keytonville hills of Oklahoma? I can't believe that my kitty, Tiger, didn't go insane by my sixth birthday. He finally ran off after I devised something akin to a medieval kitty-torture gauntlet. It was the masterpiece of my younger years. I won't go into the sordid details, but lets just say that Tiger was to start the race with tape on the paws, and clipped whiskers on one side. He must have seen me gathering my tools. When I went to find him he was gone, his cat nip with him.

To this day, I am the master at small, kitty-annoyances. I can masterfully annoy a cat into a harsh bite towards my hand, without it ever leaving my lap. One of my favorite things to do, is to barely touch the hair on the cat's back, near the tail, and watch every muscle in the kitty's back convulse, as it thinks a fly is nesting, or something. It will usually endure the spasm for 3 or 4 minutes until it looks back at me with a look that says, "He bub. I know that's you. If you don't want a claw to the crotch or a chomp to the finger, cut that crap out." This look is usually followed by an annoyed lick to the paw, with ears pointed back.

I give the cat another 5 minutes, and repeat the procedure.

Just one of many.

So, I don't get it. Why do you love me, oh feline genus? I am a bitter, bitter winter wind to your affection, and I'm here to tell ya, it shant change...

Maybe they are trying that pacifist thing that those Tibetan monks did... thinking that I'll eventually cave to their undeserved affections...


Kelly said...

Hi Seth,

Lol! I mean I do not hate the animals, I did have a parakeet one time, but I experience the same thing and let's add dogs to my list list as well.

Seth Ward said...

Hi Kelly! I had a cocakteel (sp???) once and we believe that my dad secretly let the bird free. Not a tear was shed.

Btw, I know a few Kellys, are you one of them?

Mer said...

YOU ARE AN EVIL ANIMAL ABUSER!!!! You can no longer stay at my house I'm too scared for Bubba, Scooter, and Pig. You can abuse Baby. Nobody would care.

kelly said...

Greetings Seth, I do not think I am one of the Kellys but my pleasure to meet you if not already. I enjoy reading your notes, so by george, keep it up!

Oh, and thanks to your piano entry as I used to say how much I loved playing piano, but have now been humbled by your God-given talent!

Guess what?! When my brother was younger, he thought he would take the parakeets [they talked too much and does not sleep on time but wake up before everyone else...]outside to play---yep, it happened as expected--lol!

Okay, that was sad because one of them ended up flying away, but I have to admit, I have come to enjoy the quietness at home ever since...Oh, and kudos to your dad...I love mer's comment :-). Cheers!

Seth Ward said...

Mer, yes. Yes. It is true. However, I wouldn't venture a pester with Pig. He would eat me. Bubba, on the other hand... There is a reason he kind of avoids me.

Kelly, Nice to meet you too! You shouldn't be humbled by anything I say. Play that piano cause you love it! Besides, these days, I'm pretty rusty. Plus, there are about 1000 people I know that play better than me. There's always someone better. Such a relief. Can you imagine what it would feel like to always have to protect your "I'm the best" title? Just look at how the Patriots coach acted last night. What a baby!

Chaotic Hammer said...

My daughter recently had a very valid observation about cats -- at least all the cats we've ever had.

That is, when you want to pet them, hold them, play with them, or give them attention, they are elusive, aloof, and snobby. That's where they get the reputation for having that cat attitude (cattitude).

But whenever you're trying to do something that requires no cat involvement, then they are suddenly very interested in you. Then they're warm and cuddly, seeking a lap to sit on, or wanting to play with whatever you don't want them to play with -- a shoelace you're trying to tie, a needle you're trying to sew with, a pen you're trying to write with, etc.

The only exception to all this is when they're kittens. Kittens are pretty much crazy, and love to play with any object you shake in front of them, and love lots of attention. But they'll grow out of that soon enough.

Seth Ward said...

Excuse me? How do you know so much about my wife. Ohhhhhhh. You are talking about cats.

Very true observations. Also I just read that cats go to the person who makes eye contact, which is usally the person who wants to steer clear of the thing.

I actually don't hat cats. They are terribly amusing. Its a love/hate thing really. Dogs, it's all love/love. Except for dogs that perpetually smell and dogs that can fit in my shoe, or ones that the cat can dominate easily.

Seth Ward said...

Just kidding about the wife comment btw. She's awfully cuddly.

Mer's Mom said...

Seth - Bubba avoids you because he LOVES Amber. He told me that he is going to have a Valentine for her when she gets here on the 14th.

FancyPants said...


I don't play with shoelaces.


My floofy furry ball of love! I shan't be long, my darling!

Yep, the dog loves me more than Seth. It's true. I can't deny it.

Seth Ward said...

I ain't complaining. That dog is not only smelly as an old lumberjack's toe-jam, he's also a little "light in the loafers..." if you get my drift. Just ask Scooter. I'm sure he's got stories.

thejambi said...

lol! I have an lolcat made from that very picture..