Friday, February 08, 2008

There is a fine line between being cutting edge and idiotic.

Karlheinz Stockhausen "Helicopter String Quartet"


This would be idiotic.

My dear, dear, German brothers,

The time has come for you to face the facts and realize that the world no longer cares much for what hasn't been done compositionally. That musical catharsis is over. The Viennese School of Composition is allllll done influencing the world. The French, the Slavs, and the Americans grabbed the torch after Schoenberg, and left the building. Don't take my word for it. Just go listen to the score to There Will Be Blood.

It is time for you to stop counting measures up in yer helicopters, while playing tired old atonal glissandos that mimic the helicopter's sound, and admit the world of composition has moved on. Not only have they moved on, they laugh at thee. What's next? Will you be riding on cows and playing wild trombone glissandos while screaming intermittently, "Ja Wohl COW! EINS! MOO!?" How 'bout tubas on whales? You are dipping into Monty Python territory here, fellas.

I mean, even one of your own german fiddlers looks like he is about crack up.

There comes a time when a composer has to look at some totally original ideas and say, "nahhh. That's just dumb." You... have missed such a time.

5 comments:

majorsteve said...

If I die before seeing/hearing someone play a twelve tone piano composition while riding on a roller coaster and eating a footlong cheese coney I will have died too soon.

portorikan said...

awkward...

Chaotic Hammer said...

What the...??? Is it just me, or did that pretty much suck? I'll just have to take your word for it that they're actually serious about this.

Also, I'd just like to point out that the plural of "glissando" is "glissandi", not "glissandos".

Atonal glissandi. Kinda catchy, ain't it? Sounds like the prime minister of some country in the Middle East. Or maybe an underlying medical condition that leads to erectile dysfunction.

Mer said...

Shouldn't you be studying for your german test instead of writing about german people????

Seth Ward said...

Ha! Good one, little sis.