Son, Can't you see She's a Bimbo!

Well, its Mother's Day and if it wasn't for my sweet considerate wife, my dear, dear Mother would stand narry a chance of receiving a card. I'll admit it. I am horrible at birthdays and all the other celebration days. I am one absent minded professor. Not too long ago, I almost walked out the door of my apartment to work-out wearing only my tennis shoes, a t-shirt and my boxer-briefs underwear. Sometimes I attempt to unlock my Apartment door with my Car alarm clicker thingy. Just stand there clicking at my door lock, waiting for something to happen. I just lost my keys yesterday at an Imogen Heap concert (blog a'coming on that one I assure you) and I have to wait till Monday to get them. I CAN'T REMEMBER ANYTHING that I do not write down except for theology, music and movie trivia. The first Christmas I was married my family all gasped when we started handing out gifts under the tree for the unwrapping because there were actually gifts under the tree FROM me. They all profusely thanked my wife and so did I because it actually felt pretty good to be on the giving side for once instead of the feeling-guilty-because-my-7-year-old-niece-bought-me-a-present-and-I-forgot-to-buy-jack-for-anyone side.

Well, this time, I am doing something about all this forgetting nonsense. I am going to blog about my Mom.

My mother is the smartest woman I know and let me tell you life can get pretty interesting for a young stubborn boy when you mother is that smart. There is pretty much no chance of EVER getting away with anything. She has a blood hound sniffer when it comes to lies, poor character, and poor grammers. (that one for you Mom hehe)

I learned all the Bible stories from my Mom. She used to read them out of the Bible story book to us every night. I remember funny things about my Mother as well. Like when she used to draw the most amazing clowns on the bulletins at church to keep my A.D.D. mind occupied. I remember and still love her famous biscuits and gravy. I remember how she used to make pancakes every Sunday night after church as a tradition and I love how she makes all the coming home for Thanksgiving and Christmas so fun because of all the preparations and love she puts into everything. The homemade pumpkin pie from scratch tastes like it was made in Narnia.

My mother is also the wittiest woman I know. I was visiting home from college one winter, and my parents and I were all just having a little cozy time watching "Its a Wonderful Life" accompanied by a warm crackling fire. A commercial comes on about Chip and Dale's strippers. My dad says without moving from his reclined position "Yeah, that's probably what I will be doing in a couple of years to make some extra money...Strippin'." My Mom fires back without even looking up from here crocheting "Where? At the comedy club?" My Dad laughs and takes it further. "Yeah those women will be stuffin' cash in my jock-strap." Once again, before I could blink, my Mother says "Probably for some operation that they think you need." Both my dad and myself are laughing pretty hard, but my Mom is simply smirking, still working away at her Christmas stockings as if to say "Anything else?"

My favorite story to tell about my mother is when at the age of 19 I brought home a girl whose vocabulary mostly consisted of giggles. Now for a 19 year old boy this doesn't matter much because you are pretty much interested in smooching. So, Yours truly and my giggle-box date were sitting in the next room from my Mother and Dad, just me talking, her giggling, me talking, her giggling. After a few hours of this fascinating banter, my date finally leaves (she drove herself, I had just wrecked my car) and I walk into the living room to see my mother reading her book with a slight look of disgust on her face, acting as if I was not there. My Dad however asks me with a sarcastic flavor "Well, you all have a [he pauses to use finger quotes] "fun" time?" Before I could answer my Mom fires away. "Son, can't you see she's a bimbo!?" "B-I-M-B-O" At that point my dad seized the opportunity to sing the song "Bingo was his name" substituting Bimbo for Bingo while my Mom imitates our conversation. I couldn't help but laugh. I knew it was true.

Needless to say, this was not the girl my mother was praying for and she wanted to make sure to give me a hand in coming to that conclusion as well.

She was right, and when I finally did meet my wife 8 years later, my Mother was the first person I wanted to call, and that is saying something. I NEVER called my Mother about my dates. Especially after the "Bimbo" incident. I mean, there's no telling what she would have done. What are you kidding me?? However, there was something about this one. This...."Amber." I knew she would approve. When I called her to tell her, she somehow also knew she was the one as well and began to tell me how she has prayed for the woman that I would marry every day of my life.

Now that is a good Mother. So for this Mother's day, I am telling my Mom, thank you and I love you. We may have butted heads a few times in the past but that is mostly because we are so alike, and that makes me one lucky son.


Happy Mothers day Mom.