Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Houston Hurricanes 101

Jagged lines of cars at every gas station. Sitting in unending traffic jams, waiting for the car to run out of gas and the hurricane to slaughter you whilst you idled. Entire families peeing in the woods. Old women fighting old women for the last lonely Dasani bottle at the Krusty Mart. Oh the sweet memories of Houston Hurricanes...

Oddly, the last Houston hurricane debacle was one of the most traumatic experiences in recent memory. And for what? Nothing but a few overturned palm trees and a gentle sprinkle here or there. I've seen harder rains coming from the raised leg of a Chihuahua. In fact, I'm pretty sure it was one of the biggest Nature-fake-outs in the history of the United States.

Now that I've said all of this, I'm sure that this hurricane Ike will be doing much more damage to Houston, and I'm in no way saying that you should ignore that big glob of swirling clouds that has taken over all of your normal television programming, but I am saying... possibly consider staying at home instead of bolting for the nearest gas station. Or at least consider finding a nice comfy storm shelter... cause sitting in a traffic jam for 26 hours (no exaggeration) with a "deadly" hurricane approaching your stranded arse off the port bow... S.U.C.K.S.

I'm pretty sure that Houston has been hit by several hurricanes in its hot and humid history, and I'm pretty sure it survived. How could it not? The whole darn place is concrete.

If we were still there, instead of running for the hills, we'd pop some popcorn, kick back, get the candles ready, (in the safest place we could find- the Holtzman Fortress) and watch the show.

But hey, I'm the guy who used to get into a Ford Pinto with my buddy James and go Nader-chasing. Don't listen to me.


Super Churchlady said...

I'm cracking up. Went to "the Krusty Mart" after choir tonight. It was mayhem. One loaf of bread was left on the shelves. Of course - I went in there just to get some pet food (you know...just in case) and got swept up in the mania. I am feeling better that no one will get scurvy at my house - should disaster strike.

euphrony said...

We're ready. Most of the south-side is leaving (the NASA and Galveston areas) but it seems like more people will ride this one out. With Rita, everyone was a bit skittish after what happened in N.O. with Katrina. Maybe this big ol' boy will be nice than the ladies have been to us.

Seth Ward said...

Whatever the case, you guys be safe, ya hear?

Ike does look like a doosie. I doubt anyone in the Houston area would get any of those 120mph winds (maybe 60 at worst, which would be bad but wouldn't necessarily blow your house down uless you've gone for the native american look in architecture) but the hurricane could spawn some nasty tornados and lightning, so if you stay, get your candles ready!