Saturday, September 20, 2008

Herbal Essence, Fido?

I claim to be no expert on rights of any beast or bird or any of that business, other than what was offered in the Good Book. And THIS BLOG IS IN NO WAY SUPPOSED TO INSINUATE THAT I AM FOR OR AGAINST SUCH THINGS. IT IS SIMPLY AN OBSERVATION.

Furthermore, it is simply a blog centered around the musings a man, myself, whose casual latrine reading included the back of a shampoo bottle. That being said, ahem.

I wouldn't normally write about things that I read while on the can, but I found this of interest, so interesting, that I checked every bottle all day to see if it had been animal tested.

Now, every time I see a bottle that reads, "not tested on animals" I get a little warm and fuzzy just like everyone else. But what of that? Take for instance the shampoo bottle I observed today on the throne. As I pondered the horrible scene of Fido being washed and messaged all day by a clean strawberry shampoo, I tried to muster a real sympathy but could only achieve a mild nothing. In fact, I felt really sorry for the pooch who missed out on that really nice cleaning experience.

And what about drugs? Every single drug you take has been tested on Fifel. Every. Single. One. Nobody gripes about the cancer given to poor fifel when doused with an insane amount of Sweet'n'low. Nooooo. Nobody cares when they see that picture of the mouse with the human ear dangling off its neck. (Genetically engineered to grow a human ear. On its neck. I crap you not.)

NOOOOOO. But when it comes to Fido's salon treatment we are all tears and picket signs. "STOP THE CRUEL SHAMPOOING OF ANIMALS!"

Give that dog a perm. Give that dog a shampoo'in. Give that dog some drano... no wait. Scratch that last on. But who needs to know if Drano would kill a pooch? DUUUUUUHHHHH??? Of course it would kill him. Use some common sense, goofballs.

That's all for now. Carry on.

P.S., I do not want an education on animal testing. My imagination is sufficient. I am aware that it gets cruel and gross. Please don't post links to incredibly graphic animal maiming. I won't click through. This blog was only a musing, not to be taken too terribly serious.

Long live Fifel.


tiny dancer said...

LOL if it's anything like your imagination attests, I would happily volunteer Fiona.

Are y'all in the market for a fuzzy friend? Between this blog and the last I'm beginning to wonder...

Anonymous said...

I'm a casual reader, and love your musings, but I think it is Fievel you are referring to?? The mouse from "An American Tail?" I have WAY too much trivia floating around my brain.

Seth Ward said...

Tiny Dancer,

The thought of Fiona taking sudsy bath all day cracks me up!

Anon, yes, that is who I was referring to... little lazy on the due diligence.