Sunday, September 07, 2008

Give It A Rest...

WARNING! THIS BLOG IS RATED PG-13. THIS BLOG IS NOT FOR EVERYONE. CONSULT YOUR PARENT BEFORE READING THIS BLOG

I'm really getting tired of commercials about erectile dysfunction. See, I'm a visual guy. Metaphors and words are powerful things for me. And when I sit down in front of the tube, after a long day of... church, to eat my delectable chirping chicken, the last words I want to hear, the last thing I want to visualize is a dysfunctional erection. I mean, didn't these guys ever learn manners from their parents?

What if I sat down to the table as a youngster, with my family, and right before my dad put that first bite of mashed potatoes and gravy in his mouth, I blurted out, "ERECTION!" What do you think would happen? A good smackin', that's what.

But that happens every day folks. I wonder how many parents have had to explain what the heck an erectile dysfunction is to their young sons or daughters over Superbowl popcorn.

And the music in these commercials... It is really just one step up from porno music. Is that supposed to elicit some sort of pheromone in the poor man watching and help him garner the courage to strut to the pharmacy-counter and ask for blue pill with a studly wink? Me thinks not. And if that ever happens to me, lord of Hosts forbid it, I'll be going to the pharm looking like inspector gadget, with Groucho Marx mustache to boot.

I don't know. I understand Pharmaceuticals advertising and I am truly glad there is something out there giving the world of men such a beautiful hope, and I realize that the word must get out somehow, but they should really start putting ratings on these commercial... Gross-out ratings. Or, "don't-take-that-bite-of-your-corn-dog-just-yet ratings."

Because it's really getting out of hand. This year, I've watched more sports than I have in many, many years and I'm not sure how many men are aware of how-out-of -hand it has gotten. Talk about a downer. How can these commercials not dampen the mood of watching your favorite sporting event? Whatever happened to the funny beer commercials? Cheery Dr. Pepper Commercials? Dancing Gap commercials? I don't drink beer, but they sure were funny. Now all I see is the grim future ahead of me. As if I needed yet another reminder of how much older I'm getting as I watch tennis players who look like they should be going to driver's ED.

I don't care how much you spruce-up the commercial with pseudo-porn music and video clips of middle-aged footsies and hammock snuggling or barefoot walks on the beach... the notion of erectile dysfunction will forever be a bonefied downer.

8 comments:

Bill Hensley said...

Seth, you are a comic jenius. I laughed so hard at the picture of Condaleeza Rice you used to illustrate your post.

Seriously, though! I'm with you on this one. Glad to see you're taking such a firm stand on the issue.

Susanne said...

My mom and I were just talking about this the other day! We get so grossed out watching these middle-aged "hair club for men wannabees" with their young hotties on those commercials, and yes, we did notice the porn music. Yuck. Why do we need these commercials? I think if a guy needed such medication that he'd just ask his doc. Privately. Where the rest of us don't have to listen.

euphrony said...

I blame the slow economy. You know, people are looking for more in-home entertainment options.

At least I don't see those "Bob" commercials with his mile-wide smile anymore.

Becky said...

I feel the same way about birth control and feminine hygeine commercials.

Jena said...

I'm way more turned off by political ads than ED pill or feminine hygiene or birth control ads. Can we sue politicians for false advertising? But... Can someone explain to me how that Cialis commercial (with everything--the dog, the oven, the bathtub, the sprinklers, etc.--needing attention immediately) sells the product? They're both dressed and coming into the scene from different directions! Is there something really kinky going on off-screen?

Vitamin Z said...

"4 hour erections?" I for one, don't want to have to explain that to my 6 year old when that commercial comes on and says those painful words when we are watching football.

My personal favorite aspect of these commercials is the extreme non-subtlety. The guy throwing the ball through the tire swing the back yard? The guy on the golf gree putting the ball into the cup? COME ON!!!

Anonymous said...

"...a bonefied downer" -- 'bout wet myself on that one!

Tully said...

Bow-chicka-bow-wow...although my favorite one is where they to a really bad remake of "Viva Vi-Agra", I'm sure Elvis would be proud (of course by now he would likely be a user of said drug himself).

But I have to say, that they are slight marketing geniuses when it comes to their warnings ("if an erection lasts longer than 4 hours contact a physician")...yeah, right! The "teensy" percentage of patients that have that going on likely don't warrant an audible warning in the commercial, but it was a marketing move that is probably driving in more business than those catchy Elvis songs! ;)