I Voted

It was a momentous occasion, people. On the way to the booth I was accosted by several young teenagers who were screaming that they wanted "change." I stopped and offered them a few shiny quarters and a very dull penny. They were amused and confused by my offer. I told them to give the change to their parents, since they all looked like private-school rich-kids.

We parted company and as I turned towards the street where I would cast my vote, I screamed, "I'm coming, John! Just hold on!" Surprisingly, people thought it was funny. Amber covered her ears and raced ahead of me.

As I turned the corner of the street, I was ready for a large Orgy with men and women dancing around a golden statue of Barry O., but surprisingly, there was nary a line. Once inside, I only had to wait a few minutes to cast my ballot. Evidently, people had been lined-up since 5 a.m. and the place had been dead for the past 2 hours. Conclusion: Either the McCain voters are smarter, or they were too frightened to brave the mob.

Anyways, it felt really good - exciting even - to vote in this election. It was even more exciting to vote in an area where people have "B.O." burned on their foreheads. (Snicker snicker... B.O.)

Anywho, I have to be honest. It really did pain me to not vote for the first African American presidential candidate. Yes, I went ahead and voted my conscience. (By the way, this is America. Everyone should feel safe and free to express who they are voting for. Just don't get all fired up and start sinning over it, slinging terms like "liberal" and "non-Christian," or "baby-killer" or "racist." Chill! This is America! Sing with me now! "This land is yooour land, this land is myyyyy laaaaaand....")

Before I voted, I did as much research and as much thinking about all this as I could. Despite all that, everything in me wanted to vote for the African American. Everything in me wanted to buy into the "change" that he so loquaciously sells. Everything in me wanted to get caught up in the moment. However, I was given a brain, and after computing all the info the best I could, ... I stared at that Obama Biden puncher for a good 2 seconds... (an eternity for my logic-controlled ganglia) and I just couldn't do it. I will have a hard time forgiving Powell for never running in my lifetime.

In the end, whatever happens, it is pretty exciting times, friends. Yes, a little tiny part of me wants to see Obama elected. I'm only human, after all.

Powell/Palin: 2012.