Learn it Again Sam.

Spoiled. That’s me. I can do whatever I want. The more I have to do, the more options, the more depressed I get. I think it is the leading cause of depression for men in our country. We are spoiled. We always think... "If I could just reach that little bit further, THEN my life will have meaning... purpose." That's why Warren's book did so well right? (Not knockin' Rick, just saying.) Or we think: "Poor little me. I can't figure out what I want. GOD??? Where are you??? What is your will????? Do I take that corporate job or go to the mission field??? If only my stocks would do better then I would have the freedom to REALLY follow you..."

The guys that seem to be the happiest are the ones that have had the least options. Like my Grandpa. Never met a man more content. When he was 16 his father died and brother went to war. He became the bread-winner for his mom and 4 sisters. 2 years later he added a wife and kid to that. No options. Work, or starve. He died with hundreds of people mourning and celebrating his peaceful, joyful life.

There is a lesson I have to re-learn EVERY. SINGLE. DAY: God, is what I really want.

Sounds cheezy. Maybe it is a bit. It is certainly not sexy. It doesn't come in some cool package plus shipping and handling. It doesn't promise you "The Secret" that you've been hearing about. It surpasses every kind of wisdom, trick, drug, show, song, woman, book, Oprah, food, drink, and song. He is the only thing that my soul will recognize as true nourishment. Sorry, no way around it.

Lately, I have steered away from "talking about" intimacy with God. Mainly, because I noticed that hearing other peoples thoughts about how much they Looooove the Lord just were turning my stomach and making me mad. It shouldn't but it does. It’s my problem. I know it.

Dear Sethro,

Remember this: Your life, your pilgrimage, isn't going to look like ANYONE ELSES. So lighten up. It's a little scarier that way, but there is where your faith comes alive. There is where you become salt. It's also WAY more fun that way. Christians tend to clone each other. We walk around saying the same little "catch phrases." Some of that is natural. Sure, you pick things up. But some... Most of our imitations come from a fear of being unique. Jesus speaks to us all in a unique way. Sometimes we get like Peter and get pissed off that Jesus is talking to John about the mysteries of Heaven while he is asking me if I love Him.

So lessons re-learned today: 1. I need God. I can't have peace or fulfillment without Him. That's the dealio folks. 2. The way that I go about that is going to look different than EVERYONE else. God appeared to Moses in a bush, He appeared to Elijah in a still small voice, and he appeared to the disciples as a Man. Each man of God walked, talked, and dressed totally different.

Something about all that makes me breath a little easier.

There is this amazing quote that I love by C.S. Lewis in The Great Divorce that sums up all of these jumbled, tired evening thoughts.

"Every poet and musician and artist, but for Grace, is drawn away from love of the thing he tells, to love of the telling till, down in Deep Hell, they cannot be interested in God at all but only in what they say about Him."