Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Introducing: The Organ Chronicles of Herbert Sebastian Crotch.

There is someone I would like for you all to meet. He is a dear friend and in a kind of situation that I feel needed to be chronicled. After MUCH prodding he has conceded to blog about his predicament. Please give my friend Herb a warm welcome... Here is an excerpt of his first post.

Hello fellow music lover and keepers of truth and sanity. My name is Herbert Sebastian Crotch. I have decided, after much sweating in the garden, (my bathroom) and for the sake of my growing ulcer, to chronicle the demise of the music program at our Church. I have been...(pronounced b-ea-n as in "wean the infant from your teat") the church organist for going on 15 years. Recently our Music "Pastor" (oh how I wish he had the gentle hand of a shepherd in such a time) has succumbed to the worldly pleasure of the tragic pounding of the crude and primal kick drum, the wretched and shameful screeching of the electronic guitar and the asinine jumbo projector-screen as if we have all gone blind and our arms too limp and wimpy to hold the hymnal. To hold the hymnal now might as well be considered to be synonymous with elderly-erectile dysfunction and/or pure "spiritual" depravity. The Holy "Spirit" can now only be communicated via Jumbo Letters. I digress.

Alas our "Music" "Minister," out of sheer pity and fear of the rich-and-elderly, (and not to mention a healthy fear of my own wrath, no doubt due in part to my impressive and robust size) has decided to keep me at my noble and righteous post as organist, (Oh endangered muse of beauty!,) for the time being. I have decided to chronicle the deterioration of art in our church for the noble purpose of saving further generations from such a fate as mine. You will be glad to know that I will be going down with my burning ship, my beloved organ, and will hopefully be remembered as the patron saints of large organs and their virtuosi. I hesitate to fantasize, for fear of an assault by pride, of the various saintly statues that could be erected in my honor someday. Only the finest of marble and sculpture should be dedicated to such a task. There I go! Down you shameful pride! Leave sweet David his place of honor!

So "Here I Stand" my fellow "Anthemites" as you shall be henceforth called. I will be posting regularly, Mondays and Wednesday evenings describing the musical debauchery that is taking place at my own Sanctuary.
  • Read the rest at his blog.

    Herbert S. Crotch said...

    Dear lord my boy! Be more careful next time won't you? I must agree with the laughing man in shades and say that you deleting your own blog, after all the "catch-up-with-the-technological-times-and-blog-Herb" prodding you gave me was quite hilarious.

    Thanks for the prop and I will be getting my own email sometime today. I have a meeting with our "minister" today that should last for a bit. We are discussing my salary.

    MamasBoy said...

    Thanks for the intro. He's about as funny as Brant.

    operamom said...

    i don't know whether to love him or hate him. i am presently torn. but seeing as how I hear my son playing with the toilet lid, I know that i must put my confusion on hold.