Monday, January 05, 2009

The Internet Fuddy-dud Award Goes To:

Me.

Exhibit A: I just can't get into Twitter. I've been on the website about 14 times and I can't bring myself to set up an account. I don't know... just something about privacy that is very special to me. I just can't get into all the -

"Hey everybody, I'm about to go drop a poo."

"I'm really tired of my jeans falling down and giving everyone accidental plumber-vision; do you have that problem?"

"I'm about to get in bed... should I change out of these old cruddy boxers, or should I just turn them inside-out?"

"I just got into bed, shouldn't have turned them inside out."

"I just picked a boogie and I'm searching for the best covert spot to wipe."

Is that the kind of stuff you guys want to hear? Really? Am I the only person who thinks that telling everyone in the world what I'm doing at every moment is unbelievably BORING, and possibly gross?

Exhibit B: Facebook. This one I've tried really hard to like, and I do see its purpose... But there's just something about it... I get this icky feeling everytime get ready to post a slew of pictures... of myself. I mean, I like myself. I think I'm a decent looking fella... But ya just gots ta draw a line somewhere with all that "I'm too sexy for this shirt" attitude. Plus, if I get "you've been superpoked" one more time in my mail inbox I'm going to just ... go home and BITE MY PILLOW. What the heck does "superpoked" mean??? And whatever it means, it really sounds very wrong, and quite uncomfortable... and just downright unwelcome.

Exhibit C: I hate stats. First off, it is really depressing to discover that your biggest and best blog is one called "Jankum." And methinks that the people who ended up on my blog searching for "Jankum" weren't trying to find a story about my middle school days. I just bet they left a smidge disappointed. Just a hunch. Sorry pervs. And there sits that graph. Blast that stinking graph. One day its up, and one day its down. Pretty soon they are going to have stat-dysfunction-medicine commercials during the superbowl. And the only way to really keep people coming or to increase the number is to somehow sneak the words "Britney" and "boobs" into the post a few hundred times. Or "jankum."

So there you have it. Internet Fuddy-dud of the year. That's right. So, superpoke Twitter and Stats and Facebook and the horse they rode in on.

Yours truly.

El-Fuddy Dud, Esq.


(Let it be said that I do NOT fault anyone for doing any of the aforementioned things. In some ways, I am quite jealous of those that garner great fun from these activities. I'm sort of like a young child with hands pressed upon on a glass pane, face smushed against its cold surface for a closer look, yet unable to see what all the other children see. I'm the man who forgot to bring his heavy-prescription glasses on the camping trip and can't discern the UFO from the moon, while all his other buddies ooooh and ahhhh, forever changed by their camping trip UFO encounter. These are my hang-ups and my issues. These are ways that I am painfully uncool and old-mannish. Thus, the Fuddy-dud award. Carry on.)

13 comments:

Amy said...

I like Twitter for networking with other bloggers. What happened with your book btw? There are lots of fun book and publishing folk on Twitter.

Seth Ward said...

Now, see. I knew this was going to happen. A perfectly nice person who has a blog that I like a whole lot is going to come along and get me interested in Twitter again!

Oh, well, I guess 15th time is the charm.

Amy, still sending out queries to Agents. Took a break from the process for a bit to finish my dissertation. But its still there! I live blocks away from all these major Agents and publishers... I'm thinking about just showing up on their doorstep with the manuscript.

Chaotic Hammer said...

Maybe when I visit NYC next year we can play Pong or something.

Seth Ward said...

Hey, I've got Pong one my IPHONE and its AWESOME.

So there! Ha!

Old school all the way, baby!

Seth Ward said...

Sidenote:

Actually, I do like facebook 50% more than I used to, which puts it at 38% on the like scale. It became useful when they added the chat feature. That's pretty useful, and fun!

Susanne said...

I can't do Twitter either. But I'm addicted to Facebook. :) I don't do any of the Superpoke, "someone's given you a gift" stuff. I just click "ignore." I just like hearing from old buddies that I haven't heard from in years. It's been fun so far.

Seth Ward said...

added this to the post:

(Let it be said that I do NOT fault anyone for doing any of the aforementioned things. In some ways, I am quite jealous of those that garner great fun from these activities. I'm sort of like a young child with hands pressed upon on a glass pane, face smushed against its cold surface for a closer look, yet unable to see what all the other children see. I'm the man who forgot to bring his heavy-prescription glasses on the camping trip and can't discern the UFO from the moon, while all his other buddies ooooh and ahhhh, forever changed by their camping trip UFO encounter. These are my hang-ups and my issues. These are ways that I am painfully uncool and old-mannish. Thus, the Fuddy-dud award. Carry on.)

Matt and Megan Magill said...

dude, give me a call when you get a chance I want to catch up in a way that doesn't leave me with carpel tunnel syndrome. Btw - just had to post - I think I don't like facebook either. The funny thing is I never post. I just check to see what others post. and the wierd thing is the more people from my past that reach out to me the more random my list of friends gets and the less it resembles my actual life it's like my facebook is my online reality past life.....whatever that means....mpm

Becky said...

I'm TOTALLY with you on the Twitter thing. I don't get it.

It seems very narcissistic.

annie said...

I have a twitter account, but I don't use it and will probably go cancel it after I leave this comment. It baffles me like the ipod.

Facebook, I like.

The Cachinnator said...

I personally think that a bodily-functions-only Twitter account by you would be hilarious. But what do I know?

Tully said...

Yeah, I haven't even looked into Twitter...how much of my life do I really need to spend on the PC???

Facebook I didn't like until they added the chat feature (so I'm with you there)...now, it's more interesting, but I still feel creeped out from time to time.

Oh, and on all the poke and application thingies...don't click on ignore - at the bottom you will see "Block This Application" and you will never get another request for that specific app again. Eventually you'll stop getting all that Facebook spam.

It's all merely a distraction...I do think it's cute that we can connect with people we haven't talked to in 15 years, but suddenly we know what they had for breakfast! :)

MamasBoy said...

I consider blogging to be indulgent enough. I can't imagine imersing myself anymore in the online world. It's way too time consuming.