Wednesday, January 14, 2009

The Barnes and Noble Hypocrite

I love Barnes and Noble. That whole sentence has almost become one single word in my vocabulary. Ilovebarnesandnoble. It means something powerful. It sinks into the soul. There is only one sentence that is more powerful to me: I love the Lincoln Center Barnes and Noble.

I walk through the swrirling door, past the security guards and into sweet, sweet nirvana. I can smell the coffee brewing two flights up. I feel smarter just typing about it. It makes me happy. Very happy. The way to know if I am depressed beyond normalcy is if I am not cheered up by the thought of going to Barnes. I have been known to stay there all day. I think that's why they are getting rid of couches and comfy sofa chairs, because of people like me.

So today I stood at this big table full of discount books reading a great piece of American art, and a teenage girl opened up a large book next to me. I glanced over to see what she was looking at.

"Gag me, the Jonas Brothers," I thought, and shook my head in disapproval.

It was the most gigantic book about the Jonas brothers imaginable. The book took up half the table. She flipped through each page slowly, drinking each image as if it were as good as the pink tea or whatever it was she was was sipping. On one page there seemed to be these really cool things amongst the pictures... yes, there were words. I think their presence threw her off for a minute until she exclaimed loudly to the other girl across the table about some favorite dish that Sneezy Jonas loves best. Then she giggled. And slurped. Then moaned.

"What the heck. Can't I get any peace from teen-chick pop culture" I thought... and turned the pages of the giant, oversized annotated Star Wars Encyclopedia that lay open before me. "Wow! I didn't know that about the Sith!" I said to no one. Then I laughed and smacked my leg in surprise. And sipped my coffee. However, I did NOT moan.

3 comments:

Electric Monk said...

Yeah, Jonas brothers suck. They're totally draining the life-blood of our society.

By the way, have you been watching the new Star Wars cartoon on Cartoon Network? Totally awesome.

The Aimful Wanderer said...

I hope heaven has a Lincoln Center Barnes & Noble.

Sometimes I think of that place and consider selling one of my kidneys to move back to New York.

I used to spend afternoons there waiting for my girlfriend to get out of class. I would fall asleep in the armchairs on the third floor. I was scolded many times by employees, but they're just so comfy...

Seth Ward said...

Electric... what???? Is it different than the old cartoon network clone wars???

Aimful, agree. Heaven should have this place. However, the couches have been removed... Can you believe it? I think they got rid of them because the homeless guys were no longer homeless during business hours.