1. "Man Tired of Carrying Around His Extra Brain, Finally Seeks Amputation!"
2. "Man Discovers Reason for Deafness in Left Ear. Vows to Never Use Q-tips Again."
3. "Man Wakes up From Ten Year Coma and Extracts World's Largest Hunk of Petrified Belly Button Lint!"
4. "Man Suspicious of Tyson's Turkey Hormone Injections After He Receives His Thanksgiving Turkey Order"
5. "Man Passes World's Largest Kidney Stone. Says He Never Wants to Hear a Woman Gripe About Childbirth EVER AGAIN."
6. "Man Hopes to Set Worlds Record for Largest Potato. Plans to Sell to Hasbro for the 'Elephant Man Potato Head' line."