Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Leave it to the Chinese

Leave it to the Chinese to invent something that will zap the crap out of a bird if it turns left instead of right. Gee... I wonder if this may be a test ground for something else... hmmm. I mean, how and when did they decide to come up with this idea? All I can imagine is the communist dictator getting angry at his pigeon because it stopped for too many worms on its way home and he became furious. He then turned to his top scientists and threw a billion dollars into a program to make his pigeons obey. There is probably some kind of work in progress to strap a tiny nuke on the poor bird so they can plan a pigeon-nuke-attack on Taiwan.

I have many Chinese friends. Many GREAT Chinese friends. From them, I have listened to countless stories of piano teacher-tyranny in their piano pedagogical past. Stories of teachers smacking their hands with a ruler when they hit a wrong note. One guy told me the back of his hand was bright red after one lesson. Another girl told me that her bladder almost ruptured because she was afraid to ask her teacher if she could go to the bathroom.

Maybe the next great dictator can invent a mandatory chill-zapper-device. Or maybe the Jamaican military (an oxymoron) could drop a hundred billion marijuana seeds across the countryside. Nah, then we would just have another Canada. DOH!

6 comments:

Chaotic Hammer said...

This is wacky, but I don't think it's just the Chinese. It seems like we always find out many years later that most governments conduct all sorts of strange (and some very scary) tests and experiments, for all sorts of reasons -- including possible military applications.

The Cachinnator said...

Take off, you hoser!

euphrony said...

I was watching the History Channel (I think) the other day and they were doing a show on crazy military projects of WWII. The US had fully developed and nearly used a "bat bomb". This bomb would release thousands of Mexican freetail bats (which are too numerous to count in North America) into a Japanese city. The bats would do what they naturally do and roost in the predominately wooden buildings found in Japan at the time. Each bat had attached to it a small but powerful incendiary bomb (the first use of napalm, as it was developed for this project) which would go off and, as thousands of these ignited, burn down the town. It was successfully tested, but the project canceled at the last minute as the a-bomb was completed.

Seth Ward said...

omg, are you serious??? I may not be off the beaten path. Just think if suicide bombers got a hold of both american and chinese technology!!!

euphrony said...

No joke, my friend. They actually, during development, had some "armed" bats escape and before they could recapture them they nearly burned down the entire air force base! Read about it on wikipedia.

Lexie Ward said...

Pigeons don't eat worms, my brotha. They only eat seeds. Which they regurgitate and feed to their young--otherwise known as pigeon milk.
Ugh.
These experiments sound a bit scary to me.