Saturday, September 02, 2006

Goodbye's are Tough

We have been up till' 4 a.m. these past 4 nights practicing and preparing for the tour and good Lord are we tired. Tomorrow is the first Sunday in 3 years that I won't be on staff at Williams Trace Baptist Church. It is an odd feeling. I am not setting my alarm for 6 a.m., I am not laying out uncomfortable clothes and I am not running the worship service through my head 200 times to make sure I have transitions or making sure I contacted all the band/orchestra players for the Sunday Morning Bash.

I will miss playing with my friends. Such great people.

Moving on has always been hard for me. I remember when I was 13 years old and in the ninth grade. We had just moved to Alabama and it was our 3rd move in 3 years. I was tired of moving. Tired of making friends and saying goodbye to them. I thought we were there to stay.

When my Dad announced to the Church that we were leaving I snuck out of the service, went to our car and cried my eyes out. It was heart-wrenching. My youth Pastor and the youth group came out to the car after and cried with me. I loved my friends. I loved our house and the girl I had a crush on at school was just starting to give me the eye. It was the best of times for popularity and friends and all around the worst of times for leaving.

The church kids knew about the move but as far as school went, I had moved before and I knew that people act differently when they know you are leaving. They distance themselves from you. Suddenly you get left out of invites. Your friends can even start to get a little cold toward you. This wasn't going to happen this time. When I found out we were moving from Alabama my freshman year, I didn't tell a soul. Not one person at my School. If the teachers wouldn't have announced it to the class my last day, no one would have known until the next day that I was gone. This upset some really good friends of mine. Somehow in the end, they understood.

I didn't realize until later how unhealthy this was. It caused me to not make a single friend at the next school for almost two years. I went from becoming VERY outgoing to a total and complete recluse. I wore long-sleeved shirts in the summer and sat in a Library reading-booth for lunch. It wasn't until I joined Choir the next year that I came back out of my shell and started making friends again.

Saying goodbye is still hard for me. It is painful. But that is normal. It means that I am not afraid to Love and be Loved. When you Love people you risk something. In a weird way, when you choose to Love in this life, you choose suffering. "The pain now is part of the happiness then."

5 comments:

Lexie Ward said...

I understand this completely. After we moved to Indiana in my junior year, I did get involved in student government, etc. and I had lots of acquaintances. But I only made one friendship that really lasted, and even that one was iffy. I just didn't want to get attached to a bunch of people because it would hurt too much to leave them behind.

FancyPants said...

We moved alot when I was little, too, but it all happened before 5th grade. After that, we stayed in one place, thank God. It was fun to move when I was little. Like, when I was 5 we moved from Oklahoma City to Corpus Christi, and when we finally got to our new house for the first time, my little brother and I ran inside the new living room, skipping around and around in circles. Me shouting with unmeasured glee, "We're here! We're here!" My little brother echoing, "We'uh hea-uh! We'uh hea-uh!" YEA!!!

Once, when I was in high school, my dad thought he might be transfered to Houston. I threatened him saying they could move but that I'd stay with my friend for the next two years until college. Luckily, he wasn't transfered because I have a feeling the parentals wouldn't have let me stay.

Again, great quote. Shadowlands, right? gasp...sigh...tear....hand to heart

operamom said...

i'll miss you. come back...come back...come back...

Susanne said...

We miss you guys too!! I hope your concerts are going well so far. Come back to visit soon!

Reijn of the Elfin Muse said...

It was such an honor to play with you guys. I loved every minuite of it. I wish you the best of luck on your tour! Preform your hearts out!!!