Saturday, March 10, 2007

Cow Eats Chickens

(All responsive comments in parenthesis are mine. This is real news that I got from Yahoo...)

KOLKATA, India (Reuters) Yahoo News

"When dozens of chickens went missing from a remote West Bengal village, everyone blamed the neighborhood dogs.

But Ajit Ghosh, the owner of the missing chickens, eventually solved the puzzle when he caught his cow -- a sacred animal for the Hindu family -- gobbling up several of them at night. (Oh my sweet lord.)

"We were shocked to see our calf eating chickens alive," Ghosh told Reuters by phone from Chandpur village. (uhhh yeah. Can you say, "get the shotgun Charlie, the devil's done taken over Bessie)

The family decided to stand guard at night on Monday at the cow shed which also served as a hen coop, after 48 chickens went missing in a month. (Fourty Eight Chickens. That is a 4 and an 8. 12 x 4 chickens met their death by A COW.)

"Instead of the dogs, we watched in horror as the calf, whom we had fondly named Lal, sneak to the coop and grab the little ones with the precision of a jungle cat," Gour Ghosh, his brother, said. (I guess Lai had you seriously duped. Wonder if Lai is responsible for the huge opium market coming out of India as well... prostitute ring.... the Cow Pimp?)

Local television pictures showed the cow grabbing and eating a chicken in seconds and a vet confirmed the case. (Dangit do I wish we lived in India where we could see something so cool on T.V. we just get that Full House guy cracking jokes about the dog who eats its own poop. We don't ever get no Chicken-eating Cow in action.)

"We think lack of vital minerals in the body is causing this behavior. We have taken a look and have asked doctors to look into the case immediately," Mihir Satpathy, a district veterinary officer, said by phone. (Do I hear a Chick Fil A advertisement deal in the future?)

"This strange behavior is possible in some exceptional cases," Satpathy said. (Ummmm yeah like when my hampster opened fire on a fresh litter of kittens with a tiny tommy-gun... no the chicken-eating cow still takes the cake.)

Hundreds of villagers flocked to Chandpur on Wednesday to catch a glimpse of Lal, enjoying his bundle of green grass for a change. (If I were there I would have snuck to the back of the crowd and lobbed a rubber chicken over by the cow to see what she would do)

"The local vets said the cow was probably suffering from a disease but others said Lal was a tiger in his previous birth," Ajit added." (I'm sorry... I am a Christian... but... applying Ockham's Razor here, that reincarnated tiger bit sounds like a good explanation to me.)


Chaotic Hammer said...

I would think that if you apply Occam's Razor, the explanation for this would be "the cow was hungry".

The veterinarian says "We think a lack of vital minerals in the body is causing this behavior..."

Like I said. The cow was hungry. :-)

Seth Ward said...

You have a point. But then again, if the cow was hungry would it not just eat grass? Why the chickens? It seems there are two variables in the equation that contribute to the cows eating the chickens. It was not only hungry, it was hungry for chicken. If it was just hungry it would eat grass, if it was hungry for chicken it must be something else and being a reincarnated tiger sounds like the simplest explanation to me.

euphrony said...

There is, in humans, a disorder called "pica", which is an appetite for non-nutritive substances (e.g., coal, soil, chalk, paper etc.) or an abnormal appetite for some things that may be considered foods, such as food ingredients (e.g., flour, raw potato, starch). Mild forms of this is basically what causes pregnancy cravings. However, it does lead people to eat very stange things. Maybe this cow has "cow pica", eh?

Or maybe it's just a mad cow, in which case it is a good thing the owners don't eat cows.

I can't wait to see what Chick-fil-A does with this as an ad campaign!