I'm always trying to find new and creative ways to respond to people that either annoy or offend me. From now on, I am going to respond to them as if I am a bad Jesus actor in one of those old horrible Easter movies.
I think I might be the perfect solution. For instance, every time someone approaches me and says something like, "Excuse me, I was here first," when they really weren't first before me in the Starbux line, I will turn to them with a look of peace and say, very calmly, "And that is not all that isn't first in your life, my child." (Referring to them as "my child," even if it is an old lady.)
Then I would slightly close my eyes and make some sort of prophesy. "In fact, you should be thinking about who your husband has first in his life... your nanny seems to be enjoying first dibs at a great many things..., my child."
It is very important, if you try this, that you end everything with "my child."
However, I would refrain from trying this out on your spouse. I have a feeling it won't have the same effect.
I'm thinking Brant should try this on his morning show to various callers.