Monday, March 10, 2008

Pleas Sir, Can I Have Some More?

Man have I been eating good lately. Like a king... with bad grammar. When ma and pa Evans return to Tulsa, I'm going to have a hard time adjusting to the Mcdonalds dollar menu. For instance, I ate the quiche of my life today. Last night I had the best steak imaginable. The cow that provided my dinner must have been just downright sexy. Weird.

The point is, I no longer need a belt. But who cares? Belts are overrated.

However, starting Friday, I will be going on a diet of Metamucil and bran. Not even raisin bran. Just bran. Maybe even some Amber tea. Basically things that will turn my intestines into the trombone section of Mahler's seventh symphony.

Hey, maybe I could slap a couple of scriptures on each daily dose and sell it to Christians. I could call the... Hallepoojah diet.


Thank you, thank you. I'll be here all night.

10 comments:

MeR said...

This morning I had an empty cup and Gerald was holding the orange juice. I said, "Please sir, may I have some more?" I didn't even look at this post yet.

Thats what I call brother-sister telepathy.

Chaotic Hammer said...

Amber tea! I love it. Has she read this yet? Oh my.

The Cachinnator said...

I can get you an appointment with Lifeway to get the Hallepoojah diet nationwide distribution.

Julio said...

crispy chicken burger in Burger King is the best dollar deal, ha, ha you will survive!!

Jeff McQ said...

Hey, there...
I will ignore the unappetizing references to bran and the digestive system for a moment.

You made reference to ma and pa Evans from Tulsa. I live in Tulsa, and I know some Evanses. I was wondering if they are the same. Mind revealing first names? You can email it to my profile email address if you don't want to reply online.

Just curious.

MamasBoy said...

Hallepoojah diet

Yes, you made me laugh.

Seth Ward said...

Mer, agreed. Tell that mean old man to give you some more.

C-ham, yup, and Amber Tea, it is now called.

Cach, please, please, please, please sell it. Make us rich. We could make a killing in the girls dorm at Baylor where they've already been on a variant of that diet forever.

Julio... if only I could eat that little bit of heaven without getting bigger than a house. I love that chicken sandwich.

Jeff, not at all. However, they've only been there for a few months. Still the same ones?

MB, I'm just going about the Lord's work.

Jeff McQ said...

Seth...nope. Wouldn't be the same Evanses. 'Nuff said. :)

The Egel Nest said...

Found you blog hopping...

Very funny stuff...

Sexy cow...that is just funny...

Here's to loosening our belts and enjoying life :)


Bradley
The Egel Nest

Seth Ward said...

Hi Bradley, thanks for the encouragement!

Here here!

Also, thanks for the link to that writer. I enjoyed that.