Ever get the feeling that you are getting fat, fatter or fattest? Guess what? According to my new diet, it's all in your mind people... According to… Sorry, before I go any further, I just have to vent...
I mean, I know feeling fat is just a "feeling" and all, but why does the feeling reeeeally have to feel especially poignant around the belt area. I’m fully aware that it's all a figment of my imagination and my abs are as rock solid as they were at 19, and that jean waistline imprint on my flesh is really just a trick of light and shadow... At least that's what the Mary Baker Eddy Diet tells me.
I'm sorry, I was hoping to tell you all about my new favorite diet, the Christian Science Diet, and how you can gorge all day long, and how as long as you stay sinless and believe you won't get fat, you won't... But I just can't deny that I'm starting to feel something resembling a flesh muffler below my chin every time look down.
I suppose if the Christian Science Diet bombs, and if my underwear continues to turn my legs blue, I'll try that new Hallelujah diet. However, I can't see how Hallelujah will be in my vocabulary without my Mary Baker Eddy triple deluxe cheeseburgers.