I've been down in the dumps for past few days. Some of it has to do with editing, a process in which you are in a constant state of "does this suck?" but after a little prayer, and through a chance meeting with a maverick and brave scientist, I've concluded that most has to do with the fact that I received no turkey and dressing this year at the appointed time. No turkey and dressing from my mom's oven, and no turkey and dressing from my mother in laws oven. I usually get two major helpings a year, the "wet" stuffing from my mother, and the "dry" dressing from my mother-in-law. This year, nada.
I consulted a noted scientist about this, Dr. Kran Berry, M.D., and he told me that large amounts of turkey and dressing have become a integral part in the American Male's critical genome development. Without a large dose, every year, a man might not recover for years after. He went on to say the there are in phase II of clinical testing on the long-term effects of turkey and dressing depravity. Some believe that most mental institutions are filled with people who went several consecutive years without a proper dose of turkey and stuffing.
He told me that the depravity of T & S could explain why I'm tempted to wear the same clothes every single day until the smell kills my neighbors. My rationale? I’m tired of smelling the garbage. Logical conclusion: Don’t bathe, then you won’t smell bad things. Dr. Berry said that a break down in personal hygienic logic is one of the first signs of what they are terming as T.A.D.D.S. Turkey and Dressing Depravity Syndrome.
Luckily, my mother-in-law has decided to intervene and provide a healthy dose of T & S after the new year when we visit. I told Dr. Berry that I would see him after and he would submit his findings to the board.