Wednesday, November 15, 2006
Have you ever had one of these moments? I have. Several times. I have put my foot in my mouth so many times that I can, blindfolded, tell you when shoe was made and what it has stepped in, just by smelling it.
" Hmmm. 1984, Converse, 3-day old Coke, Bazooka Gum and faint Weiner Dog poo. Good year, Good year. Comfie. I recommend it. Yessss."
[a small crowd of onlookers gasp in amazement]
“Wow mommy that man really must chew a lot of yucky shoes.” A young girl with curly hair observes.
“Yes dear, lets run along now before he insults us…”
My personal favorite "What Hump" moment was when I asked my amazing-Jazz-musician-friend if it ever made him angry that people associate instrumental Jazz with K-mart, Musak, or music on the overhead at the Western Sizzler. He just looked at me with a furrowed brow...
"What…what do you mean..."
A brief moment of silence followed.
Speechless, with nowhere to turn except into a deep, dark tunnel of awkwardness, I simply cocked my head slightly to the right and said...
"Is that a helicopter flying over us?... Must be a wreck or something... Hey, I'm hungry."
This tactic only worked because this person that I had begun to insult was plagued with A.D.D.
Being an A.D.D. man myself I knew that a few tasty distractions could serve as an adequate smokescreen for my conversational getaway.
It worked and the subject was not to be breeched again. The mystery is still unsolved.