Hello Amarrca! And thank you Five Cent Ward for this oppornunity to bestow upon you some wisdom that may beseech the hearts among you to spur into the side of the great stallion called "life" and move onward with a crusading battle-cry song that ever red-blooded Christian boy learned in his first boot camp VBS, "Onward Christian Warlords." My first thought is a question for Five and to each of you that read blogs regular.
1. Why does everthing have to be so spirchal all the dern time? Its kinda like goin' to the rodeo to see a good man get hooked and horned and instead getting a dagdgum sermon. Now, a sermon might be a good thing in all, 'specially after a particular lustful week, but when yer ready to see a cowboy banged up real good and maybe get malled and stomped by a particular bucksome bull that you bet on... well, no offense to the Lord but, it's kind of a bummer. A big bummer. A big bummer with B.O. askin' fer money at the stop-light. I mean, who wants to see Billy Graham Jr. when you payed dang good money fer some bulls and blood and dust and mud?
2. As it states in scripture "I pledge allegience, to the bible, God's Holy word." Well, I do. I do. I also pledge allegience to the Flag. So what did I do to remedie this conumdrumstick? I killed two towel-heads with one stone; I got myself a bible with an Amarrican flag as the cover! So now when I pledge allegience, I don't feel like I'm blasphem'n my country nor my God. I've been working on a combo of John 3:16 and the national anthem but my wife, she said that might be pushin it a bit. I told her to get back to the readin' rainbow and let Christian Amarrcan men do what Christian Amarrcan men were put on this earth to do: [insert wise thing here. Ideas... "rule, kill, war, bible, tell God who to kill"... maybe ask daddy.] I've also been lookin' fer a way to combine the words "Amarrca" and "The Bible." Like, Abibarrca... or, The Bibrica... or jumble up the letters from both and do something like "Ramcarblabile." Oooo that's a goodern. A keeper. I'll have to tell my old former head-warrior Donald Rumplestillskin.
Well that's all fer today. I'd like to thank Five Cent Ward for bringing me here and I'd like to thank the Bible where God is found and America where Jesus is around. (a little poem from me to you!)
God bless you and God bless The Ramcarblabile.
3 comments:
For the record, I like W. This blog was written out of sheer boredom after viewing a particularly funny Will Ferrell skit on SNL.
Leave it to Will Ferrell to bring out the best in us.
AND...don't furget...God Bless Amarraca where Seth Ward can write this kinda funny stuff and not get hauled off to jail or sent to Siberia where they would pull out his fingernails (or other parts of his anatomy) one by one.
P.S We're SO missing you guys down here in the heartland of Amarraca!
WE MISS YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dang.
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