Monday, August 27, 2007

Moving Spiders

It is amazing how much crap one can accumulate in one year. I hauled 12 bags of the heaviest garbage in the universe down 3 flights of stairs tonight, dodging the gigantic spider making a web directly above forehead-line on flight 2. I couldn't bring myself to kill the booger since he had been toiling much longer than me, spinning away for his food.

Usually I kill spiders out of principal. There are some creatures on God's earth that will forever be enemies- Hyenas/Lions, Sea-lions/Great white Sharks, cats/dogs, Rikki Tikki Tavi/king cobra, Rick Warren/Joel Olsteen, Benny Hinn/Dateline, and Seth Ward/any-and-all-spiders.

I am quite Old Testament when it comes to annihilating the arachnid tribe and quite gentle-worship-leader-in-designer-jeans when unexpectedly assailed by one.

Just the other evening my face passed through a spider web the size of tennis net and a big black spider frantically tried to escape the mountain known as my nose. I flailed like an epileptic break-dancer who had just won the lotto. Amber nearly passed out from laughing. It was enjoyable.

Other than avoiding Shelob on the second flight of stairs, I am looking forward to simplifying my life and ousting most of my possessions in order to fit in the very, very small apartment we will soon be calling home in NYC.


Chaotic Hammer said...

Dude. You're a regular St. Francis of Assisi, aren't you? We should just start calling Amber "Lady Poverty".

The Stan said...

"I flailed like an epileptic break-dancer who had just won the lotto."


MamasBoy said...

I bet you are the goodwill's favorite person this week. If people didn't size down regularly, I wouldn't have half the clothes/furniture that I own.

MamasBoy said...

This is buried way down in the August comment on "Moving Spiders," so other folks won't stumble across it.

I tried to respond to your comment on Brant's blog on heresy and got censored (and told not to come back). That being the case, if you are interested in discussing this, I could repost my comment here. Otherwise, I am going to let this discussion go. I understand if your reason is simply that you don't have time. Please, respond either way, so that I know you have read this.