Saturday, August 25, 2007

Billiosovic Gatesorovitz

MOSCOW (Reuters) - A wealthy Russian tried to buy a U.S. B-52 bomber from a group of shocked American pilots at an air show near Moscow, a Russian newspaper reported on Friday.

The unidentified Russian, wearing sunglasses and surrounded by bodyguards, approached the U.S. delegation and asked to buy the bomber, the Komsomolskaya Pravda newspaper said.

An astounded member of the U.S. delegation said the bomber was not for sale but that it would cost at least $500 million (249.5 million pounds) if it were to be sold on the spot.

"That is no problem. It is such a cool machine," the Russian was quoted as saying by the newspaper, which said its reporter overheard the conversation. The bomber was not sold.

Russia's new rich, who built fantastic fortunes trading commodities and contacts after the fall of the Soviet Union, have made a name for themselves as ostentatious purchasers of everything from British football clubs to Faberge eggs.

How the conversation would have went down if I were the pilot approached by the Rich Russian Billiosovic Gatesorovitz.

Russian: "Good afternoon. That plane is very nica."

Me wearing Top Gun Shades and sounding a bit like George W.: "Not bad, it could bomb the crap outta you guys if you don't do as your told and conform to American ideals and sell us all your oil and lay off the South Pole. We saw it first."

Rich Russian: "Please, please... I don't vant to battle wiz you. I just want to buy the bomber for 500 millions, I think my son might like it for birthday present."

Me: "How old is he and is he a threat to the Country where Jesus is Lord?"

Rich Russian: "No, he is only 2 years old but he is bored destroying deserted town wiz big tank."

Me: (I motion for a large solider to enter the conversation.) "Private... kill him... Scratch that. Read him the 4 Spirit'chl Laws, then kill em."

The End.

White House, here I come.


MamasBoy said...

"sell us all your oil and lay off the South Pole. We saw it first."

It's the north pole, not the south pole that they are after. Yet overall, your character is far more qualified than most congressmen.

Discontented Refuge said...

"Spirit'chl Laws"

I read that in perfect GWBushian dialect and caused people to stare at me at work as I laughed.

Seth Ward said...

Ha! I'm glad someone caught that.

Hey, you guys don't need a daybed (that pulls out to a double) or a computer desk (1 year old from office depot) do ya?