I went for a walk tonight with my wife. The neighborhood where we are house-sitting is really nice. It has a built-walking track around a semi-park area that is right in the middle of the neighborhood. Away from cars and roads and business. It's kind of like a little quiet central park in Sugarland suburbia. And did I mention it was nice. It is amazing what smells can do to your mind and memory. Fresh cut grass, the faint smell of a grill, and out of nowhere, just for a lingering instance I smelled fresh cinamon rolls. I immagined some kids peeking throught the oven window to see if they were done. I could hear a lawnmower in the distance, a dog barking, maybe kids playing somewhere I couldn't see and the sun was just out of sight. It was just before twilight and it was beautiful. Walking through the uncommonly cool breeze for this time of year, I remembered back, just for a moment what it was like to not have a care in the world. I remebered what it was like when your only concern was meeting your friend down the street halfway on your bikes. Finding a field of fresh cut grass, gather another friend or two and playing any game that you could invent. It could be a combo of football/dodgeball/baseball/ and war. It was a fantastic time to be alive. I can't believe I was so laden with stress at that age. As I wandered passed these gorgeous upper-middle class homes and fields ripe for play, I was amazed to find not a child in site. Not one. I wonder if it is because kids or parents would get fined if they played on the grass. I wonder if it is fear. Nobody really knows their neighbors anymore and everyone locks their doors, all the time. I don't know what it is but they were sure missing prime play-time.
I am not going to live in fear as a parent. I am not going to let my kids miss out on days like today. I know it's hard not to be afraid but if I have to walk out there and break or pull something playing freeze tag at 40, by golly, they are going to have something to remember someday, like I did tonight.
19 comments:
Maybe all the kids are on the computer.
It's sad, but I'd be willing to bet that most of the kids were either inside playing video games or were being taken to dance class or soccer practice or swim lessons. It worries me that kids today don't have enough time to really play, especially play outside. I'm going to try not to get my kids into so many activities that they can't have fun playing at home and using their imaginations. It's so easy to give into the peer pressure when every kid you know is in five different activities at any given time. I have great memories of playing outside too...I loved riding my bike, climbing trees, and playing flag football in the street. It will be different for our kids, though, because of the fear of someone kidnapping them, etc. If I want them to play outside, then I'll want to be right there watching the whole time. No more riding bikes down to the vacant lot or playing in the front yard unsupervised. I don't think I'll even allow my kids to go to sleepovers. There are too many scary things happening these days. I think we can still make sure that our kids have some great memories like we did...we'll just have to get creative. Great post, Seth!
Hey susanne!
Yeah it seems like it is a bit scarier these days than it used to be. But I wonder if its just that. Scarier in our minds. We have more savy news that can scare the crud out of us but I look outside and see a gorgeous day, and don't see any lurking predators. I don't think that there were less 10 years ago than today I just think people are more scared.
When I was a kid my mom used to want to keep me right by her all day long while she worked. She was afraid to let me out of her sight. It sorta drove me nuts. (i'm not saying you'll be like that) but I think that it depends on where you live and what the environment is like. My home town Springfield MO is the safest place in the world. If I lived there I would expect my kids to get out and ride their bikes. I would also teach them just like our parents and their parents did for them what to do if a stranger trys to pick you up or give them candy.
I wish I could start a movement in America where we reclaim our independence and conquer all fear so that our kids can go exercise a little independence and go play a neighborhood soccer game.
Anyway, thanks for your thoughts!
Kat, yeah it is hard to let the little ones go. I can only imagine. But I wonder if there is a place (to susanne too) where you can take them where they can exercise that tiny bit of independence.
Maybe a good youth group is a good place. (just thinkin out loud) My youth group was awesome for this. I would meet up with kids from my church all the time. However its harder when you live in a bigger city.
Sarah, geeze that sounds awesome.
What opera is going on with Eric or you? Do you like London? I would REALLY like to go there. Maybe we can take a trip there next year. Do you ever find yourself slipping into a fake british accent? I have a bad habit of that when I go to other countries. I was with Ned Horner in Germany a while back and we stayed with this family and for some reason I was speaking in the German/american accent that the Germans were talking to us with. Ned leaned over the table to me and whispered REALLY LOUD. "whats with the stupid crappy accent" I guess he was feeling insecure and he was trying to do the accent but couldn't.
It was totally unintentional!! I just would do it thinking somehow that they would understand me better if I spoke in broken accented German. ??? I cracked up when ned pointed it out. I think that I would be less apt to fall into it in England since everyone would understand me anwho.
Hey is Eric singing for the Houston Grand anytime soon. He's probably too expensive for them!
Cherio
its not just a fear as children but the "fear" continues as long as a person is a "child" to a parent. That is part of the problem that i'm running into my mother. Mom is scared (or worried or something) for me, over the fact that i want to live off campus instead of on. I give props to my dad...he is being the parent and the person of logic during this entire process. For the record, my dad is an amazing parent. He was never around when i was growing up...always traveling to Japan and other contries...but he both sits me down and lectures me yet allows me to be myown person when needed. He protects but lets live. And that is the balance that parents should strive for, in my opinion.
At first I wondered if it was stuff like MySpace and computer games, that are keeping kids' attention inside. But, it was the T.V. when I was a kid, and sometimes all I wanted to do was stay inside and watch it. But my mom MADE me play outside. I'm glad she did. It forced me to be creative with my time.
You bring up an interesting point, Susanne, about kids being involved in so many activities that free play time isn't even there. I used to teach, granted high school, but the kids got home late, many times, after dark, almost every single day. Then, homework, LOTS of it, then bed.
I'm curious. So are all those activities still going on in the summer? And is it that bad now with smaller children?
I was overseas for a few years as a kid, and there were a lot fewer distractions like tv, video games, etc. I loved playing outside. Still do. I hope my kids will be able to enjoy it as well.
I can certainly understand the idea of "fear" being a factor in this. To a certain degree, I guess it depends on where you are -- what kind of area in general, and what sort of neighborhood specifically. Here in our neighborhood, kids do play outside, and everyone feels pretty safe about it.
I agree that there is a perception of increased danger because of all the child molester watch lists and highly publicized kidnappings. I've seen studies that say, in essence, that as a percentage, we are just as safe or safer than we were, say twenty or thirty years ago. But because our overall population numbers are increasing, and media coverage is instantaneous and ubiquitous, there is a perception that things are more risky now.
I agree with Seth -- teach your kids to be street smart, to watch out for strangers, report strange things immediately, etc. Take wise precautions. But don't let it take away their freedom. We all live at risk, every second of every day. A meteor can fall from the sky and bonk you on the head.
You can build a giant fortress for safety, and feel completely secure that you are keeping the world out. But what's the real difference between that and being in prison?
Having said all that, I do understand the protective instinct. My daughter is 22 and I still keep a close eye on what she's up to and who she's with -- she's living at home again right now and going to college, so I can do that. :-)
She grew up on a lot of military bases and stuff (I was active duty Army), and she always played outside, in the streets, around the neighborhoods, and we never had any problems or knew of anyone else who did either.
Seth - it's Ellie Jarrett, although nowadays it's Ellie Castleberry. Shoot me an e-mail sometime, hope you're doing well: Ellie_Jarrett@baylor.edu
Oh, and I have tons and tons of wonderful memories of playing outside as a yute. (What's a "yute"?)
For about three or four years in a row, my best friend and I got AstroWorld Season Passes, and we used to be able to talk either his parents or mine into giving us a ride there almost every day of the summer, so I spent many of my summertimes riding rides and wandering around AstroWorld.
And that's not even to mention all the fun outdoor stuff we did.
Enough cool stuff that I could literally write a big thick book about it, if I could remember even a small portion of it. :-)
(Well, I do remember a lot, but it's only inside my head.)
Boy did I sound overprotective in my post when I said I will have to "be right there watching the whole time"! I do intend to keep a very close eye on my kids while they're really young (mine are only 3 and 9 months right now) and not able to protect themselves, but I'll have to learn to let go (that will take lots of prayer!) of them gradually as they get older and able to take responsibility for their actions. I agree that if you shelter your kids too much it would make them feel like they're in prison. I want them to be able to live their own lives and learn from mistakes. I pretty much want to be the kind of parent that my parents were. They gave me freedom as I got older, and they trusted me to do the right thing.
Amber, you asked about young kids being involved in so many activities. You wouldn't believe how many things some 3-year-olds are involved in: dance, gymnastics, Spanish, swimming (some go to swimming classes almost every day of the week), etc. Some kids are in daycare all day during the week and then go to classes when their parents get off work. Then they don't get home until 8:00 or so. Many of my stay-at-home mom friends have their kids in childcare 2 or 3 days a week, then take them to 4-5 different activities (these same moms also have maids, so I'm wondering what they do with all of that time!). I've found that if we try to do more than 2 activities during a semester that I feel like we're living in the car. It's just too much driving, too much money, and not enough playtime/family time. I guess you have to find a perfect balance. My little girl does really enjoy her gymnastics and dance classes.
Seth - I totally agree with the youth group idea for older kids. I had a wonderful experience in my church youth group when I was growing up, so I hope my kids will have the same experience.
Sorry for my LONG posts earlier...I tend to ramble when I'm sleep-deprived. :)
I have some pictures on my blog now if you want to check them out. I pretty much just have photos on there right now, so I guess you'd have to call it more of a "phlog."
Great word, Susanne!
The newest entry in the Blogtionary:
phlog, n.: an online journal to which blog owner posts only photographs of self, family, and friends. Characteristically known for the absence of actual written blog entries due to lack of time and sleep deprivation.
=-)
Susanne! No I knew what you meant. You just struck a chord. I wouldn't let my little 2 year old just go out for a spin on their big wheel with out my hawk-eye on them. (no I don't have kids) But I do know that mindset is not very foreign to many over-protective mothers.
BTW, your comments weren't near long enought to warrant an apologie. In fact no comment on my blog is too long. (hear that C-Hammer?) Sooo let it out. blog away!
Sarah,
Heck yes we live close. Thats where we live for cryin' out loud!
Let us know and we'll take you guys out!!!
Reijn, they SHOULD be worried!!!
Anybody who plays the flute is a born rebel and completely a-moral.
Here that Susanne?! We are rebels...according to Seth.
You know what seth, i think piano players are just plain shady.
BTW: i'll be back July 9th to play.
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