Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Mad at God

I got mad at God today. Busting mad. Shake my fist at the sky cuss-out loud mad.

“WHAT!” you say? That’s right, you heard correctly. It was time to get down to business. I won’t go into the details of why I was so mad because they are between God and myself, but I will tell you that they were ultimately about getting things my way, in my time.

We think we cannot get mad at God. I think that we are wrong. I felt so horrible at all these thoughts running through my head about God. I wanted to forget about him and do something else. Then I remembered that God Himself said, “be angry and sin not.” Now I am not advocating a constant anger towards God and I am for sure not insinuating that God is ever wrong. I am saying that sometimes it FEELS like He is wrong, and we act like we don’t notice. This is dishonesty. That kind of passive aggressive stuff only works on people. Most of the time, when we are angry in life, we are angry with God but are too afraid to admit it. We focus it to other people: our spouse, our kids, or ourselves. I think this prolongs healing and understanding of the God who loves us. I think that God wants to hear our anger towards Him rather than hear our namby-pamby beating around the bush prayers, never expressing our frustrations and fears and confusion. He wants to hear what we have to say even if we are angry, because we are being honest. When did God finally answer Job? When Job let it out. Job, the faithful servant, finally sat down and got real after his family had been killed, his cows and sheep died, house burned down, and boils had covered his body. He finally spit it out. “God, why did you even make me? I regret the day I was born. I DEMAND AN ANSWER!”

Now what God said was not exactly pleasant and if you read closely He did not really answer Job’s questions, but what He did remind Job of was who He was and who Job was. Many times when we are honest with God and we go ahead and let the anger out, we immediately feel a sense of calm and understanding. Sometimes, like today, we will probably be embarrassed. We might cry, and we will probably apologize. This is healthy. The woman who cries out to God after loosing a child, who is totally broken, full of anger, pain, hurt, confusion, is closer to God than she has ever been. It is the soul who Shuts God out and hardens the heart towards God, denying that God could allow such a thing, that is far from God. Believing that God, if there is a God, is not good. This ultimately leads to denying the existence of God and loss of faith.

Consider the Psalms. They are full of David or the Psalmist crying out to God in desperation. “My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?” This was the Psalm that Jesus quoted from the cross. If you read the entire Psalm you see a perfect example of a man who is angry and alone. He is crying out to God, and after each phrase he (actually God) answers His own questions. Listen to how he begins the Psalm and ends it.

1 My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?
Why are you so far from saving me?
So far from the words of my groaning?
2 O my God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer, 

by night, and am not silent.




Then by the end:

28 for dominion belongs to the LORD and he rules over the nations.
29 All the rich of the earth will feast and worship; all who go down to the dust will kneel before him—those who cannot keep themselves alive.
30 Posterity will serve him; future generations will be told about the Lord.
31 They will proclaim his righteousness to a people yet unborn—for he has done it.


It is not ironic that Jesus said this Psalm (at least the first part) from the Cross. He knew this psalm well I am sure. I am also sure he probably knew the rest and maybe, just maybe he said the rest. We cannot know for sure and for some reason we are not supposed to know. The point is that it was the ultimate moment of despair. God’s will is not easy to swallow sometimes but it is always the best for us. Always.

I think we should think of anger at God as something akin to vomiting when we are sick. This sounds crude but it is really what it is like. Anger at God is in us. We cannot help but feel it at times, and it MUST come out. When we do, we may not like what we hear. This is good. Sometimes God does not answer immediately but what you have done is acknowledged Him instead of denying Him. You have been honest with God, and He hears an honest prayer. “If with all your heart you truly seek me, you shall ever surly find me” It is you at your most raw and exposed. He knows you are mad anyway, why not get it out and deal with it? Let it out. He can take it. He can take the worst we have to offer. His tolerance for our anger is high. Just as that Mother’s tolerance is high for a child who is angry, screaming that he or she hates her and wants her to let him or her go. However, the mother knows if she does they might harm themselves so they hold on, tight.

Just remember, He will answer, and when He does, reconsider arguing. He put you through this test for a reason. If you don’t learn the lesson the first time, He will put you through it again. I like what Rich Mullins said about arguing with God “It don’t do any good to argue with God because He always wins. He bloodies your nose and then gives you a ride home on his bicycle.”

Thoughts?

4 comments:

FancyPants said...

Being honest with God requires more faith. Faith that he won't turn away. Faith that he really hears you.

I agree and I like what you said: that God would rather us be honest about our anger toward him than ignore him. He'd rather us come to him than forget about him. Coming to him with our anger still shows our dependence on him. Failing to do so tells him that we don't need him. That we can get along on our own.

Seth Ward said...

So true. It is so humbling to speak these things to God. You turn your self directly face forward into the raging never-changing path of the love of God when you do. There are no walls or barriers. Just you and God. It is then that you begin to understand. No one comes out of an encounter like that unchanged. It is unfortuante that we have to wait till we are angry to respond to God in this way. We love to hide. It is the first thing we did in the Garden after the fall. We hid from each other with fig-leaves and then we hid from God.

Anonymous said...

Have you read Michael Card's newest book, "A Sacred Sorrow - Reaching Out to God in the Lost Language of Lament"? I highly recommend it.

I went to a Bible study Mike was leading as he was writing this book, and because of the study I now tell people my favorite Psalm is 88. Why? Because all of the Psalms that question God have what is called a 'vav adversitive' at the turning point. There is not a specific place the turning point happens at; sometimes it is toward the beginning, sometimes right before the end. It is usually translated 'but' or 'then'. From Mike's book: "The transition...is always abrupt. It indicates that somewhere, somehow an invisible line has been crossed and the focus of the lament has turned from the self to Elsewhere. (p.78)".
All of them include this transition, except for 88! Meaning that we don't have to turn from lament to surrender or praise immediately. There is a not a five-step plan we have to follow.

Mike's newest CD came out of this study also, and it's called "The Hidden Face of God". He recorded a cover of Andrew Peterson's "The Silence of God", the first time anyone else has recorded a song of Andrew's.

Seth Ward said...

Cool stuff Stephen! I used to be a fan of Micheal Card a while back. (still am, just haven't listened to him in a while) Such a talented musician. I saw him on tour with Wes King about 10 years ago. He played about 13,900 instruments.

I have read several articles that he has written and skimmed his book on grace. I will definitely check it out.

I totally agree, there is not 5 steps from lament to praise. The important thing is the communication. Keep it going. Even if it is in anger or frustration.

Thanks for stopping by!