Friday, February 20, 2009

Bowm Chicka bowm bowm. Thank You For Flying Southwest, no seriously, baby. Thank You.

Say hello to the view from new "metal detectors" coming soon to an airport near you. I'm not so sure about this business. First off... el-creepola. Believe it or not, I'm a slightly modest chap. I go into the bedroom to change my socks. Maybe my buddy Forky wouldn't have a problemo with the nudy show at the airport but I would. I suppose the thing that bothers me more than me is my wife having to go through. If they so much as make her stay 1 second longer than they make me stay, I think I'll lose it. I'll just be forced to bring a suitcase full of LARGE, un-ziplocked shampoos in my carry-on next time I travel. Uh huh. That'll show em'.

As for me. When I go through, they might hear me manufacture a little "moood" music. A little, "bom chicka bom bowm chicka chicka. How bout that? Huh? Huh? Chicka bowm bowm" OR, maybe I would put a plastic bible verse on my chest. "Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God." Maybe just good old "John 3:16." Nahhh... How bout, "I'm, too sexy for this x-ray." Oo Oo! Or maybe I'd put two d's on each rear-cheek so it would spell "Did." Okay, I'll stop.

I do that - I'm sure those of you who have read my blog long enough know this: When something makes me feel uncomfortable, I go ahead and take it to the extreme. Sort of the Harry Potter Bogart trick. Don't judge me. At least I didn't say I'd put two M's and spell "Mom." "Did" is funnier. Yes, I'm a male.

Still, all potential butt-words aside, it all seems a little wrong to me. And just how long will it be before there are goggles available to buy that will allow us to see through each other's clothes. You know that some dirty company somewhere is already designing the perv glasses.

So, how do you guys feel about all this airport x-ray vision stuff? Do you feel like you need to sort of... buff up... before you go to the airport now? Do you mind that someone can see the delineation of your private spheres? I know I do.

I think they should have a picture posted of what they can see, and you should be left with the option heading on through the "no, you can't see my captain and corporals before I head to grandmas for christmas" -detector.

But that's just me. A good old mid-western/southern/New-Yorker who likes to keep the places where the sun don't shine in the dark, or at least shaded.


The Cachinnator said...

And it won't make us one iota safer. And that's the real reason to oppose it. The privacy/security debate is based on a false dichotomy and not one of the pervy added molestations that they've added since 9/11 has made us one bit safer. This kind of crap just ticks me off.

My magic word: trixi. I kid you not.

Seth Ward said...

Trixi. Love it.

I don't like this x-ray business. One bit. And if they think that there won't be abuses of this. Ha. Anytime celebrity women are having to mail their underwear FedX ahead of them, because airport scum get into their bag and steal their thongs...

euphrony said...

I wish it were a full-power x-ray. At least then it would make me look thinner.

Kelly said...

Love your posts as always! Blessed are the pure in heart...awesome!!