Thursday, December 28, 2006

Sick as Dog

Sorry. I had fully intended to post through the holidays but Nature it seems, as tamed that valliant notion. I spent the little energy that I had over at Brant's excellent Blogging Manor. Hope you get the time to go over there and check it out. I think he went and got Religion.

In the spirit of Brant's decision to remodel his current... well, you read it. And because of the state of my nose and my bodily aches I would like to post a blog re-run from back when many of you weren't around these parts.

It is called "The Menu."

Waiter: So what’ll you have tonight?

Diner: Well, my stomach’s a little funny tonight from some bad experience with some raw fundie Baptist chicken so what do you have on the lighter side?

Waiter: well, we’ve got some Presbyterian catfish that is light and liberal. Not to jarring, fluffy but with a spice that will tingle your palate as if it has depth, oh and it’s made with REAL wine (wink) not that grape juice that they cook the Baptist chicken in.

Diner: Well, I’m not too sure about that, I mean, yeah my tummy hurts but, I am not really liberal and I am kind of allergic to fish, but I do like me some wine. (winking and Ribbing the waiter)

Both: (subdued laughter and then they both clear their throats and regain composure)

Waiter: (dignified) I tell you what, we can keep the Wine from the Presbyterian catfish and maybe throw on some Methodist tofu. It tastes just like the Baptist chicken but it is not made of Chicken its tofu. So you get the feel of a Baptist chicken but without the fundamental, raw dogmatic meat that goes with it.

Diner: awwwe I’m not so sure, maybe….hey this Nondenominational Philly sandwich sounds pretty yummy. Some fundamental flavor but I can still get a little crazy and go dancing after. Wahoo!! (Hands start to wave around then becomes self-aware and regains composure) *Ahem* Sorry.

Waiter: Quite alright. Well, I have to be honest, the Philly sounds good on the menu but you really never know what your going to get out of one of those non-denom Phillies. When in reality, isn’t non-denominational really a denomination? I mean, come on. It kind of defeats the purpose to call yourself non-denominational if you don’t want to call yourself a denomination… so like what if I said, my name is “I don’t have a name” every one would call me “I don’t have a name" And in the end it just ends up tasting like, well, a regular Philly... and then...

Diner: Okay, okay, …. I get it. Well I guess we will just keep looking here. Do you have anything that’s not so War oriented? I mean, too much of that stuff is hell on my acid reflex.

Waiter: I have just the thing; we are having a special on Anabaptist and Quaker Casserole. It is divine. We grow our Vegatables in the back for that one.

Diner: well I tell you what we are going to do. I think I’ll have the Presbyterian Catfish with the Baptist seasoning, then on my side salad I will have the Methodist tofu but I want it fried like the Nondenominational Philly is fried. And substituting for my Church of Christ raw veggies, I’ll have the Anabaptist Quaker Casserole, but can I still get the wine?

Waiter: (whispers) “sure” Just don’t tell My Boss.

Today’s blog outro should be the music to "The Grapes of Wrath" in the style of a Bach Brandenburg Concerto played by a String Quartet. Quartet players are dressed in 17th century Accoutrement. Powdered wigs and fake moles to boot.

1 comment:

Seth Ward said...

btw, by reposting this,I am in no way implying that Brant is searching for the perfect denomination. A denomination implies one of the current models for Church. What he is doing now does not.