Okay, so I've just gotta put up another post besides the underwear bra picture. It was funny, now it is entering into the depressing realm. In other news....
I'm playing for a Chorus Line audition tomorrow. Should be interesting. I was thinking about playing the fast songs really slow and the slow songs really fast, just to lighten it up a bit.
Those auditions are intense affairs. Nowhere else, besides maybe under the probing eyes of a Baptist Deacon's wife, will your attire be so incredibly scrutinized.
As you walk past the throngs of crowded girls, (usually huddling around one particular girl who seems to know everybody in the business including the director of the show for which the audition is being held, even though she is somehow in the same line as everyone else,) you (the new girl in the room) will receive the "initial" scan. Most girls are subconsciously aware of this scan anyways because they do it naturally, but in the audition the initial scan/glare is marked and barbed. These girls are masters... no, savants at instantly finding "the" flaw in you that sets them one step higher. One way to know that you are a serious threat is if the glances continue throughout the audition waiting period.
The real compliment comes if one of the brave girls breaks ranks, usually the ring-leader in the group, and approaches you for apparently no other reason but to strike up a conversation and tell you that she loves your shoes, or your dress, or your bracelet, or purse, or whatever. Notice, they will not compliment anything about your flesh-and-blood body. No, for "building your self-esteem" is not the real purpose of the advance or compliment.
The real purpose is espionage. They have come to find an insecurity or flaw in your: resume, personality, complexion-up-close, voice, ankle-size, boob size (and the effects of gravity therein), butt-size, song-selection, or anything else that will give the poor, jealous prodding girl - your seemingly new BFF - the upper-hand.
The whole thing is a little sad, but its all a part of the game.
But let's be honest, the audition room isn't the only place one can find these tactics. Right? Dudes do it too. Especially musicians. And oddly enough, especially Christian musicians.
However, there is not a sorority or social club or worship-leader conference that can rival the intense dance of tender audition-room assassin, the sticky-sweet, slightly-plump-but-the-prettiest mercenary "originally from Atlanta but came up to audition on a whim" girl who comes to you offering poison freindship-apple balanced on her french-manicured claws.
It is sordid business indeed.
