Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Moving, Calvinism, and the art of ham and bacon.

Hi neighbors. It's time to do this thing. In the past two weeks I have thought of many clever and awesomely awesome things to blog about but, after just now eating that ham, bacon, egg and cheese sandwich, my memory for anything else awesome has been triple-wiped from my memory. But that still leaves me here in front of this computer with a goal unmet. I can definitely tell you a few things about my life these days... I'll go from there. Ready? Skadoosh. 1. I'm sneezing my face off. Why? Because I'm genetically inferior to most humanoids and once something has been predestined, there's not much you can do about it, buddy-boy. See, I'm a presbyterian now and that means that before there was a speck of dust in the universe, my ass was Calvin'd right into a life of sneezing and wheezing at the faintest presence of old dust. Part of the problem/hugh-blessing is that we just moved to a bigger apartment (we now have what the people of Texas like to call, "a bedroom.") and much boxes were utilized in this move. Boxes are to my immune system as Mufasa is to limping wildebeest calf. 2. Other than that... Hey! The Pope resigned! That's pretty big news. I suppose my catholic friends are feeling a little bit of loss since they no longer have an idol to worship. I mean, that would really suck if my Lord and Savior were to just up and quit. I feel for the Cathy's. I really do. Just joking-- about the idol worship part. I actually do feel sorry for them. Anyways, Relax! I know the Catholics don't worship the pope. Sheesh. Whataya take me for? I know perfectly well that they never worshiped the Ratzinator. They totally worship Mary, always have. Everybody knows that. Aahhhh, I'm just joking again. They don't worship Mary. For realz. They just venerate her. Venerate is a fancy word for many of us and most of us think we think we know what it means but most times we only kind of know what it means because we never really use venerate in our daily sentences and it's closest cousins are generate or incinerate which aren't much help in knowing the real meaning of venerate. If you need to clarify further without looking it up, what you really need to know is this: Catholics venerate Mary as Protestants venerate Jesus. However, from time to time, if there is a statue of Mary when she is holding the baby Jesus, then Jesus gets in on the veneration action. So there you have it. I came, I blogged, I kicked some misconceptions-of-our-Catholic-brothers butt. And I sneezed whilst i typed. Nah, I'm not going to capitalize that last I. I've lost the energy. System... crash.

1 comment:

Douglas said...

No news about the baby? Just news that you're moving from a closet to a bedroom and that you're a Calvinist now? At least you took your theology back a couple hundred years. Now if you could just add another 1500 years...

(Now you know you had that coming.)